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| Ms. Mother causes Numbness |
| 01.23.12 (11:01 pm) [edit] |
This week has already started with a lot of thinking and reflecting about Life and all the roads I've traveled and the detours over troubled waters. I received some news this morning that my mother is still in the hospital since Friday. She went because she was in pain and found out she had a broken collar bone and after a few tests they found that her blood pressure was high as was her blood sugar. They tested her all weekend and now they say she has possible Lung Cancer, Heart Disease, Diabetes and of course the broken collar bone. I'm sitting here numb and not really knowing how to feel. My relationship has been very strained with my mother for many years because I was molested by one of her boyfriends and to this day I am a liar and it never happened. I don't understand her way of thinking and why in the world would I have let a lie hurt me for the better part of my 50 years? Of course it just hit me the other day that maybe it's possible she is in denial because it's too hard to even fathom that she let something so vile happened on her watch. I don't know but I suppose I need to let it go because how would it look for me to bring it up when she is going through all of this. I just have to sweep it under a rug and try and forget it. Of course I wake up to it every day and go to sleep with it on my mind every night. So many good childhood memories lost and so many adult years lost....I wish I could forget it. I'm not physically able to make the trip to Florida to see her but I have been talking to her on the phone the last few days. I'm trying to keep her spirits up and we don't talk about anything too personal and that is fine with me. She is my mother and I wouldn't be here if it weren't for her. I have compassion for what she is going through and I am so happy that my younger sister is there to help her through this. I want life to be peaceful for her and I don't want her to suffer. Just plain Numb.
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posted by: surrogate (reply)
post date: 01.24.12 (12:57 am)
Perfect attitude.
just talk with her. It's enough. As for you trying to figure out why she's denied the abuse for all these years? Don't waste your time, and for sure, don't bring it up; not now anyway.
As for the guy who did it? -Let's go get him.
posted by: auntconi (reply)
post date: 01.24.12 (1:40 am)
Sorry to read that your mother is in poor health with several issues ~ as surrogate says, "just talk with her, that is enough"
What a shame about 'the other issue' and how much it has taken from your life. I wish you could put it in the back corner and 'forget about it’ like we often do with other ‘stuff in our houses’ … Don’t let it spoil your life; live from this day forward ~ you surely can’t change what happened all those years ago, so I pray that you can move on…
I pray for you to have strength to deal with these issues! … (((hugs)))
On a brighter subject ~ how is the little kitten doing?
posted by: PirateGirl (reply)
post date: 01.24.12 (9:37 am)
I'm so sorry zissy - I lost my Dad three years ago ...what it taught me is life is too short to let the good in it slip by, and that life is precious, as are the special people He puts in our lives ...treasure every moment. I'm sure your Mom is treasuring every moment she gets to ralk with you, and draws strength from it. Also draw strength from the Lord, and remember the poem "Footprints", and know that He is carrying all of you. ~ Prayers and hugs
posted by: PastorDave (reply)
post date: 01.24.12 (9:04 pm)
In my opinion, you do not need to try to forget it. As to why she would deny this matter, and even blame you- that's the question! I hope you have found helpful counseling for this matter- you deserve to find a way to at least be at peace. And, in my opinion, considering what you have been through the very imperfect person your mom proves to be, you are doing a great job of dealing with her. Keep in touch, communicate even if it must be on a shallow level, and keep growing as a person.
