I apologize for not being around much since before my birthday but I've been busy in my head. I had a great time in Long Beach and really it wasn't long enough but beautiful none the less. We ate and ate and took in some fresh salty air and Glenn re-bonded with an old friends so all was good. I didn't receive Katsu yet because they wanted to keep him with his siblings and mom for another week so that was ok with me. I don't like this part of getting a kitten having to take them away from their mom really breaks my heart. We will go pick him up tomorrow evening and bring him back to his new home with the 3 girls I bet that will be a shock to his system. ;) I hope all is well with your lives and I know I will have some serious reading to do on your blogs. Hugs, Zissy

January of 2012 I will be 50 years old. So I've been spending a lot of time lately thinking and reminiscing about life lived and lost. There have been Good Times and Bad but I can't be sad about the bad because it has made me what I am today. I consider myself a pretty good egg that has come out of some terrible trials and tribulations and I'm still standing so what more can I ask for?

I want what most folks want I guess. I want to be respected, loved and appreciated. Most days I don't feel any of those except from one person and some would say well my goodness Zissy that should be enough for anyone. Yes I love my friend dearly and he has been there for me through the good, bad and ugly and I am very appreciative of that. It's the family that hurts so badly. I was raised in a conditional loving family and what that means is if you acted and did everything that you were told and didn't have a mind of your own then you were loved. If you strayed from their thinking then you were the black sheep.....ME in a nutshell. I didn't want to grow up hating I wanted to learn the differences in people and things and make up my own mind. Those times I did think about myself I guess I did it wrong in the eyes of some and now I am shunned or worse ignored.

So after another holiday season of disappointment and turning the Huge 50 I have decided to start living my life for me. Will it be easy? Of course not because I'm a people pleaser but I have to do this for my own well-being. I will depend on my Heavenly Father for the strength I will need to get through this and pray every moment that He won't let me fall back into the same old rut.  If I do fall I know that He will always be there to help me up but I also know that I have to find the strength within myself to do some things for myself.

Any way I hope this post didn't bum anyone out because that wasn't my intention. I just want to be happy whatever that that entails. I told my friend today that I was tired of being sick physically, mentally and emotionally and just want to be happy and I don't think that is too much to ask for...is it?

Hugs, Zissy